chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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