help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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