why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
