Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
