I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
