no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Alive.
So much puke
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
