Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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