She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
