Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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