Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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