Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
