Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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