Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
