i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did I show you my penis last night?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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