not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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