my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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