I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
