I just made out with a guy for $7.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
where are you?
Hypothermia
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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