that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
