and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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