There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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