I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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