Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
