So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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