I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
