Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
