pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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