this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
