id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
