well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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