I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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