at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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