The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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