I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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