This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
