Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
