She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
