ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How does it feel to date your dad?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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