it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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