That's when you crack a 10am beer
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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