it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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