im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
