I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
