I wanna passion pit in your ass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
