I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
