I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
