just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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