As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
