I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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