Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
