So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
