i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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