I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
