so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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