i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
