Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
