I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
