my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
