he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Barsexuality is the new black.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
