Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
