So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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