I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
